Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
