VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
