I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
