Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
