Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize