Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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