I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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