He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
