Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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