I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
