he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still dying that you shit outside
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
