My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize