you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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