I cannot find my penis.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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