Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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