Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
