Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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