i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
