Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
