Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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