why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
