Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
