It's like a parade of train wrecks.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
