Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
