she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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