Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
