She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
