I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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