ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
