i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
