I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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