I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
