it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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