so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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