the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
