I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize