Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
