That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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