I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
