first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
