Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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