doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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