also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
