I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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