He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
