You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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