he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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