Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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