I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
