No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
