I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
