Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
