just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
