Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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