I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
