Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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