Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
