A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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