how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize