Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
