she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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