The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
