In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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