I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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