we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize